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One thing that I've learned over the years, through lots of relationships both good and bad, is that one of the most important factors in relationship success or failure is balance — balance of commitment, balance of desire, balance of love.


Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Waywhich delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud. If you are choosing to be with a person because you love them and they love you no matter which way it is measured and you treat each other with respect and kindness and accept each other for who you are and who you are not, why not be in the relationship?

You can love someone deeply and have it not work out. She advised me on some things to consider about this aphorism that continues to linger among classic dating advice for good, bad or for worse.

5 powerful ways to know if someone truly loves you

What you can measure is effort, communication, desire, intimacy and acceptance. Could it be we're all shooting way too high and putting too much expectation on the partner we're supposed to find or end up with? Question the love you have and ask yourself whether it's good enough.

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Are you choosing their partner despite that? We're freer to live our lives the way we want, why are holding so fast to some of these fairy tale expectations of love and all the characteristics one person, your partner, should have? Does the way you show up work for them? This person who loves you just a little more than you love them — is it possible that they have all the ideal characteristics that you seek in a partner and a good human being in general.

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That's what we've been told we want: To find "The One", our other halves, the person who is supposed to complete us, and the person we look forward to flashing on Facebook about that we're oh-so-lucky-and-blessed-to-have-found. How are you showing up for their partner?

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To get to the bottom of this difficult question, I spoke to dating and relationship expert Ravid Yosef. There is something to be said for a man or woman that treats you like you're the most important person in this world to them. There's some depressing news to add to this confusion.

Here's what happens when you love someone more than they love you

Oh yeah— and the person who you have mind-blowing sex with. By Taryn Brooke.

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The only time the relationship becomes a problem is when you feel like the difference in how you love won't allow you to show up in the way the other person deserves. I'm not saying to settle, nor should you ever settle for good enough, but maybe there are pros and cons to being with some one who you have lukewarm feelings for as opposed to fiery passion it takes a lot to maintain that and a lot of the time crazy. Our fight for seeking what we consider the ultimate form of romance continues even though the odds are not ever in our favor not to be negative but there is always hope, just saying.

An extension of that would be, is the effort mutual? If you call it a choice, then it can definitely be a healthy choice. Does this feeling overrule the fact that when you see them you don't want to rip their clothes off?

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That is special above all else. From there you get to ask yourself if this works for you or not? When you really think about it, that's kind of a lot of pressure to put on another person or think that this all exists in one. Think about these things. There are no guarantees in life. We may need to disregard and think outside the box in a way and form our own expectations of what we want out of a relationship. Other traits depend on the person, but these should be ones you seek in not only a partner, but in all of the people in your life," says Yosef.

Love is a choice not a feeling.

Is your partner showing you love the way you accept it? At the end of the day, we all love differently and no one feels the same kind of love that you as an individual feel.

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Does the way this person shows up work for me? So with all this, it begs the question: Should you be with someone who loves you more than you love them?

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To add further insult to injury and further prove that soulmates are BS about 17 percent of the same respondents said that they had met their soulmate, but it was too late because they were already married, with another 46 percent saying that they would leave their spouse to be with their true love. Be sure to be honest with your intention and feelings. Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? In short, perfect. It seems simple enough — sure we've all had that one person in our lives that's always been there and who definitely loves us more than we love them and would quite literally do anything to be with us.

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No matter where you meet your future partnermaybe it's time to consider that meeting someone who has all those wonderful qualities and is just a good person who loves you more than you love them, might not be such a bad thing after all. What the hell is love anyway?

How do you know someone loves you? these 24 s tell you when they do

Put fire and burning attraction to the side and really consider their worth as a human being. Are our expectation too, too high?

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According to a poll of 2, participants conducted by Siemens Festival Nightsa unique three day event showcasing three different operas, found that as many as 73 percent of people surveyed said that they are "making do" in their relationships because the person who was their true love got away. But they're usually the nice guy or girl that we overlook because we don't feel that spark or we're not overly attracted to them, or simply don't consider them our soulmate.

Stuck on ‘loves me, loves me not’? look for these 12 s instead

What do you value most in life and love? I can't remember where I had heard this old adage before or just how far back the saying goes, but it always seems to resonate no matter your view on it, even going so far as to say it might be an interesting thought to contemplate as we trudge through our romantic lives: You should be with someone who loves you more than you love them. After you've gone around like a merry-go-round through the dating scene, at the end of the day, don't you just want to be with the person who's nice and treats you so well.

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What about that other person we never considered the one who loves us just a little bit more the one that will put us on a pedestal and treat us like gold but maybe we're not overly passionate about? As it turns out, finding your "soulmate"or someone you think of as such, is much rarer than your Facebook feed or the media will have you believing — which is why our expectations are so high and perhaps that's why we're so confused.

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What does true love mean to you?


Romantic love can feel pretty fantastic.


Being in love is a give and take in the deepest kind of trust you can have with another person.


You love me you say.